


Oh God

by thatkgrl



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Lord of the Rings (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Gen, NSFW, Well - Freeform, almost all, superfun sexy times, thranduil/reader - Freeform, trauma is had by all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-04 06:06:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13358100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatkgrl/pseuds/thatkgrl
Summary: Reader and King Thranduil get physical and the rest of the kingdom are subjected to hearing things they would rather not.





	Oh God

**Author's Note:**

> This is crack fic. Nothing more, nothing less. Please don't take it too seriously.

"Oh god, Thranduil. Oh gOD THRANDUIL. OH GOD THRANDUIL! "  
"Yes! YES!"  
Elros and the other elves of the palace could not believe this. Did the king not realise how loud the two of you were being? It was obscene! Really, REALLY obscene! They'd all need the ear equivalent of brain bleach after this; and poor Legolas looked like he was about to die from shame and embarrassment.   
It was in the later hours of the shifts of most of the palace staff, yet the pair of you just could not wait to traumatise everyone.  
More grunts and groans of pleasure filled the ears of the elves. By this point you and the king just did not care what the others thought of your activities. You were both enjoying yourselves far too much.  
Elros was holding a glass of wine. He eyed it wondering if he should just gulp the lot down and head to bed, duties be damned! None of the other staff looked like they could take much more of the obscene noises they heard either. It was torture. Pure. Unadulterated. Torture.  
The faces the others were making were priceless, especially Tauriel's. That elleth could sure make some interesting faces.  
The grunts and groans were getting louder now. Urgh, just what they needed. They were becoming more and more frequent, too. Elros took a sip of his wine. Surely this couldn't last much longer.  
"Kill me. Kill me now." Legolas deadpanned.  
"Here, here." Concurred Galion, raising his glass.  
"Ditto", said one of the kitchen staff.  
Unfortunately for everyone but the king and yourself, you were still going at it and you were not slowing down.  
"Surely they cannot continue at this pace for much longer." Stated Tauriel. She was wrong of course. Very, very wrong. There was no letup in the pace of your lovemaking; there were also new sounds being added to the mix--none being sounds any of them particularly wanted to hear. There were now slaps and thumps--what on earth were the tewo of you doing?  
"I don't want to know. I just-I just don't want to know," Legolas said.  
All of a sudden there was the sound of something snapping and a crash. That seemed to break something within Legolas, the poor bloke.  
"Right! That is it! I am going to bed. I will NOT be coming out until morning. Good night, all." With that said, he left the staff gathered to their collective misery.  
Slowly, one-by-one, the staff left, heading to their respective rooms, not wanting to hear any more of the noises the king and yourself would make. Not that there was much to hear anymore; King Thranduil and yourself had finally stopped your activities after the bed had snapped in half, and had slowly fallen asleep after exhaustion had crept into your bodies.  
With the realisation that the night's traumatic experience was finally over, the last staff member left, finally finished his wine and headed to bed, fully aware that the next night could very well include a similarly traumatic set of events.


End file.
